There are so many things that have changed with the COVID and how we live our everyday lives. As people with disabilities we can sometimes be affected even more.
For myself as a blind person there is so many things that make me quite nervous about the province opening up. The biggest one for me is that I see my world through touch. I shop by touch, I interact with my world with everything like signs, finding door handles by touch.
I find that I have even more anxiety around being out and about or even the thought of going out now because of this. There are just so many logistical things that I feel like no one is talking about. Like are the sanitizing signs that have braille on them or am I just not supposed to know when I am going into the mens restroom. I mean I am ok with it, I can’t see anything anyway but the men inside may mind. Or even if I am at the right room for a meeting, should I just pop in “hey is there a Joe here for Ashley”? I mean that would totally be the professional option but I am hoping there are better ways.
It is always a challenge to have equal access to the world around me and now I feel like so much of my world is a NO TOUCH zone.
Having a guide dog does not make these things any easier at this time either. He has no idea that we should stay two meters away in fact he is not aware that it is rude to walk straight through a group of people talking, even if there is an opening. We have had many conversations about this but he is the decision maker in those instances so I just have learned to smile and say excuse my dog. There are also the instances of buses, where we live they are asking all passengers to utilize the back door to the bus, but if I teach my dog to go to the back door then he will be confused when it is time to use the front door and I want the consistency of knowing he will take me to the front door. So we have to utilize the front door it is the accessible and easiest entrance to navigate for us.
As we all learn to live in this new world we all have things that we never thought we would be thinking of, and I know in time it will feel like second nature to us all. In the meantime I hope that we all show everyone the kindness and empathy that they need.
We are all trying to figure out what our new normal is and what it is going to look like. For me, it has been a real rollercoaster; I am sure many of you are feeling the same.
I have had so much to say over the last 6 weeks or so but yet I would sit down to write and find that I just could not find the words that I was looking for to describe what I was feeling, how things were going, or just anything that made any sense.
The challenges that I am facing are the same as son many of you, transitioning to homeschooling my children, being in the house a lot, working from home, and just having a change in pace really. Most of these things for me are fine. There has been one that has been extremely hard for me; and that is homeschooling my children.
I have three children they are in grades 7, 8, and 11. They have transitioned to online school just like so many others. However this transition has been so much harder than I could have imagined with the accessibility for me as a parent. I have been frustrated with the inability to help to educate my children in the way that I should be able to because of the platforms that are being used snd the excessive amount of graphics, pdfs, and so many other barriers.
If education was accessible for all, all of the time there would be no issue for parents to come in and assist their children in learning. However the only time it is made accessible is when a child requires it. But here I am hoping that my children are not un-educated because of my lack of access to the materials to assist them in their education in these changing times.
In fact this week we have just taken a break, and that has not been easy for me. I feel so much guilt, anger, frustration, for not being able to access this material and help my children to learn yet I also feel guilt for feeling this way because I know that this is not easy for our teachers and everyone is having a hard time.
Getting used to a new normal can be hard, it can be a rollercoaster of emotions, it can include good days and bad days and that is perfectly okay. In fact, when there are times that you are going through major life changes like the lock out at your husbands work (that is a book, not a blog post lol), or changes in your employment, changes in health, changes in how we live our lives it is a good thing to reach out and say I am struggling. I have had to do that, it isn’t easy but at the end of the day making sure I can see the light at the end of the tunnel is very important for myself and my family.
I hope that you are all able to reach out if you need it and support others in this difficult time. We are all strong and we will come out on the other side better people with a new found love for our family and ourselves.
As someone who for so many years needed to be busy, busy all the time I am finding that I am really enjoying the piece and quiet. I still keep busy I suppose I mean I work full time, have three kids and a husband (so almost 4 kids sometimes), I also go to school, and have a YouTube Channel and this blog. I mean I suppose when I write it all out it sounds busy. But I used to sit on a lot of boards and be a part of many different things and now I find myself doing more for me.
I know there are times that I feel a little selfish for prioritizing the things that I love like reading, blogging, YouTube, furthering my education. Those are all the things that I chose to take on, because they make me feel good. When we say that we prioritize ourself and the things that we want so many times people will make us feel bad for that.
The major difference that I have found over the last year or two is that when I prioritize myself and the things that I want to do, my mental health is what wins at the end of the day. I can be a very stressed person, I want things to go my way, I want to plan, I want to know exactly what is happening. But taking the tine to do things for me has really helped to curb that in my down time. Now at my 9-5 job….well…..we are all a work in progress………right……….?
I have often talked about how I love to read and one of the other things that I have always loved to do and have been doing since I was a kid is writing. Hence the blog. I find that when I am in the mood I can sit down and write multiple blog posts, and articles in a matter of a couple of hours. Are my blogs perfect? Nope not at all, but they are a true image of me, imperfect but perfectly ok with that! I have always been that type of person that when I sit down to write it just flows. I have been really thinking about this and being mindful when I get in the head space for writing and it is my therapy in some ways. It is the only time that I am not thinking about anything else except what I am writing. It is the only time that I feel at complete peace, it is the time when I feel like I can express myself in the way that I want to.
I think we all need to have that thing that is our quite time. That thing that is simply for us, and brings us a great amount of joy that after we are finished doing it, you can think, wow I needed that. In this time of life and society with social media and the notion that we need to be as busy as we can possibly be or you are lazy, or unproductive, or you won’t amount to anything, is craziness. I think more than ever we need those times of quiet, those times of absolute selfishness where we prioritize ourselves and what we need as human beings.
What is your go to quiet time, what is that one thing that brings you the most joy just for you?
International Women’s Day! This is a day where we can celebrate women all around the world who are making a difference and driving change. I think all women should be celebrated every single day.
When we support women they are able to do amazing things. I am so lucky to have so many women in my life that I look up to and who inspire me to be the best that I can be. The strong amazing women in my life have really helped me to hone in on who I want to be and build my confidence and self esteem. Women supporting women can really be a game changer.
There are so many people who feel like they are not good enough, no pretty enough, not fit enough, not… We put so much emphasis as a society on reaching for perfect. Yet the reality is that everyone is perfect just as they are. You are beautiful, you are fit enough, you are amazing in all your glory.
I want all women to feel the freedom of loving yourself no matter what. Knowing that you are amazing just the way you are and embracing everything that you have to offer. I have not always had these feelings and really struggled with my confidence and my self esteem, and it feels so freeing to not have that hate and doubt for myself every day.
Thank you to all the women in my life who I look up to, and support me in all my crazy. There is not a greater feeling than people who get you, support you and love you no matter what, even when you have all the crazy ideas. They help me to see the good when it all seems so overwhelming. And they are just so darn amazing. They are my family, my mentors, my friends, my coworkers and they mean the world to me.
Happy international women’s day, I hope you know how amazing you are and what you have to offer this world is worth it.
The one time of the day I always seemed to dread was when I would get home from work, and it was time to decide what we were going to have for supper and the kids were all asking “what is for supper”? The reaction I would always get from the kids was “ughhhh” or some version of that.
It seemed like no matter what I made no one was happy and I truly dreaded always trying to decide what we were going to eat. I would just wish that someone would give me an idea of what they wanted to eat, rather than when I asked “what should we have for supper?” getting the response “I don’t care, whatever you make.” Really!!! I am asking because I don’t know what to make. So to say this was a horrible time of night was an understatement. I was really just done with it.
I decided to try meal planning for a week at a time, hoping that this may help. I can not tell you how amazing this was! It really turned things around for us. I started to not dislike coming home after work to figure out what was for supper. The question of “what are we having?’ was getting easier and easier to deal with.
I have now started doing two week meal plans, and it is great. It is a really simple process and if you have not tried this, you need to.
I go through my pantry and freezer and have an idea of what we have on hand. Then I sit down with my iPad and write out the days of the week. I then start to just put together meals for supper that we have things for. Then once I have used up most of what we have without duplicating meals, I will start to look up recipes or think of things we have not had in a while.
I also allow the kids to write down suggestions on the white board. I will try to incorporate these things in our meal plan, as long as they are not “McDonalds, or anything eating out.” they really love to write those on my suggestion board. I guess they can keep hoping ha ha.
As I am making my meal plan I will also be making my grocery list as I go using my Alexa. I will add to our shopping list the things we will need to make the dinners that we are planning. One of the unexpected things that has changed drastically by doing this meal planning is that we spend almost half of what we used to on groceries because we have a plan and we are not just walking around the grocery store buying things that we think we will use.
I only plan out lunches for the weekend days, and then we just keep some staples on hand for during the week for the kids for when they come home for lunch. Things like sandwich meat, pizza pops (don’t judge), and instant noodles.
For my husband and I for lunches during the week I try to make a little extra for supper and we will take left overs. On the days we don’t have leftovers we have sandwiches or salad, and we keep some frozen dinners on hand in the freezer for those days when the kids have eaten all the left overs.
There is no more coming home and trying to figure out what the heck we are going to have, and then realizing we can’t make the things we are thinking because we don’t have some of the things to make that meal. Now I come home go to the fridge and get out the ingredients to make what is on the list for that night. It is so easy and nice, when the kids come in and ask what we are having all I have to say is look at the list on the fridge. There is no arguments about what we are going to eat, and we are saving a ton of money on groceries. I mean this has been a huge WIN!
I am going to share my meal plan for the upcoming two weeks. Please know that I am not a chef, we just cook what we like and try to eat a balanced diet. I am huge on sitting down as a family for supper every single night and this is what helps to make this more enjoyable.
Day of the week
Grandmas BBQ chicken, rice, salad
Cream of potato soup, toast
Homemade pizza, salad
Butter chicken, rice, Naan
Pork souvlaki, noodles, salad
Chicken lasagna, cesar salad, garlic toast
Chicken burgers, fries
Sausage, noodles, peas and carrots
Ground chicken tacos
Greek chicken, rice, greek salad
Meatloaf, mashed potatoes, corn
Creamy garlic chicken, rice, peas
If you give this a try let me know, I think as parents we all struggle with dinner time. Life is busy and by that time of day you sometimes are running on fumes so if we can make it easier, by all means lets do it. I use my iPad to plan the meals and then have my husband write them on a white board, you do what works for you. If you are not blind this can easily just be done on a piece of paper or in a planner.
I am thinking of making an accessible PDF for my blind and partially sighted friends, (sighted people can use it too) would you guys like to see that?
There is something about being in a room full of women that support women who are not judging you for where you are at or where you want to go. But truly supporting you as a human being.
I have been someone who feels like I have never really found my people. I have people in my life that I love and who I have connected with on a deep level, but since moving I have struggled to find a social group of people. This has always been something I have struggled with if I am being honest, I seem to be one of those people you love me or you hate me. I am ok with that, it just makes it hard to find your people.
I had an add come across my feed one day and upon clicking found a convention that was for women no matter where you were, they wanted to build you up and support you in where ever you were headed. I thought this has to be too good to be true, but I sent them a message after some social media stalking of course! And asked the question I always ask. “Hey I would love to attend your event, I am blind and have a guide dog. Do you think this is something we can make work?” And the answer I got back made my week! “Of course we would love to have you, we don’t have braille but would be happy to provide someone to help with anything you may need.” All I could think was are you kidding me, that is never the answer I get.
So many times when I ask about events I get answers like I you can’t bring your dog, or we are not set up to accommodate people with disabilities. The only reason I ask this question is to see if these are people I want to be around. Not because I need their permission.
I went to the event and fell in love with this group of women. The support and love that they all gave off was amazing. There are not very many times in my life that I have not felt a little like the odd duck out. (I mean I am a little odd and that is cool with me). This amazing girl gang of the best women you could ever ask for is RaiseHer Co. here in Regina Saskatchewan.
Skylar, Talitha, Gwen, and Marlene are a two daughters and their mothers who have founded this great organization. Both Talitha and Skylar were fortunate to have amazing mentors and leaders growing up in their mothers Gwen and Marlene. They wanted to share that experience with other women in the area. They found that there was not a circle or group that was geared to all women no matter what your career status, career goals, or where you were in your journey. They began RaiseHER Community to bring women together to help them to find their mentors and support each other.
The mission of RaiseHER Co is “to unleash the leadership potential of women through meaningful connections, professional growth, and inspiring experiences.” Along with their vision ” to build communities rich in female leadership that empower future generations to do the same.”
Their values speak to everything I am about and I can not be happier to have found this group of women. With their Lead Her Circles I have met some amazing women from all backgrounds and professions, the connections are real, authentic and meaningful.
Inclusion is top of mind for these women and in a society that many feel like they are always battling stigma to find a truly inclusive place is so meaningful.
If you would like more information or want to join this amazing girl gang check out their website at RaiseHerco.com
It is hard to believe that it is 2020. I have some pretty good blind jokes about this 2020 business but I will save you from my horrible humour.
I have been reflecting on the last year and in turn the last decade. So much has happened in that time. As so many of us it has been an up and down journey to get to where we are today.
When I look bak on the last 10 years I am grateful for where I am now and I am also proud of where I am today. It was a rough 10 years. I lost my dad, and many other very important people to me. I also lost all of my vision. I lost friends and a lot of the life that I had. It is so easy to recall all of the tough times. But when I sit down and really think about what I have all accomplished this last 10 years I am really taken back, and so proud of myself.
I have learned to live a life that I never thought possible. I am a stronger woman than I ever thought possible. I was nominated for the YWCA Women of Distinction awards, I ran in a provincial election, I was named one of CBC Saskatchewans 40 under 40. I had a piece I wrote published in a magazine. I have spoken to thousands of people educating them about blindness and sharing my story. I have had success professionally. I have three kids that have grown into teenagers and pretty amazing people over the last 10 years. I have been blessed with 2 amazing guide dogs who showed me so much and continue to teach me more than i could ever teach them.
I have also learned so much over the last decade. The lessons I learned shaped where I am at today and they taught me how to love more, embrace my emotions no matter what they are, to walk with confidence and not hide, to embrace fear and use it to take on the world. The lessons that we learn are so important, they come from failing , succeeding, saying yes and being scared.
There were times in the last decade that really stand out as hard. When I say hard I mean in the moment and for some time after I thought there is no way I can do this; I am never going to come out on the other end. Some of those times for me were definitely the loss of my dad, the loss of my vision, the early retirement of my first guide dog. Looking back on these times, I am still surprised to be walking on the other side. But they also remind me that life is not going to be easy, it is going to be hard, it is going to be messy, it is going to suck; but coming out on the other side happens even when we can’t imagine how.
I have had the opportunity to speak to so many people that have reached out after reading my blog, and have said how I have helped them, or showed them what is possible, and that I have inspired them. This is something that I am so grateful for. When I was walking in those dark places and trying to come out on the other side of vision loss I wanted someone to tell me it would be ok. Someone who was walking the same journey and who could show me what was possible. So thank you to all of my readers, with the help of you we have given that space to so many.
Now for the first time in my life with 2020 clarity (ha ha I could not help myself) we can make the next 10 years even better!
I travel often and there are always things that come up just like when everyone travels. Usually for me those things are probably a little different and revolve around accessibility issues, access issues, things that have to do with me being blind or having a guide dog.
Sometimes almost never, you are shocked by the true accessibility and inclusion that a company offers; my latest trip to Ottawa, Ontario was one of those times.
Let me walk you through why I say this.
I get off the plane and get help to the line of cabs, no issue (yay we are off to a good start() when we get to The Holiday Inn and Suites in Kanata, I am greeted by an amazing staff member who checks me in and hands me a key card that made my heart sing. Why? Well because without me asking or saying anything she put a bump dot on top and handed it to me and says the bump dot is on the top for when you put it in the slot to open the door. This truly made my day. I never had to ask, I never had to even say anything about being blind; it was just done as if I was considered just like everyone else.
I was hungry and the restaurant was going to close soon, so I headed over to the restaurant and was taken to a seat. The great waitress asked if I would like any help with the menu rather than handing me a print menu and walking away. She quickly helped me pick out a delicious Buffalo Chicken wrap. When she brought me back my drink she set it down and as she set it down she said “you drink is at 12 o’clock with a straw in it”. Again I never had to ask, or say anything about my my disability. When my lunch was ready she brought it over and announced herself, and said “your wrap is at 9 and your fries are at 3, there are toothpicks in the wrap, Enjoy!”
These things seem so small, yet they make people like myself feel like we are on the same playing field as the rest of the customers. So many times, when you go to a restaurant or a hotel you have to explain that you are blind and that you will need x, y, and z. It is absolutely refreshing to have people act as if your blindness is just a normal thing. (It is normal). And they give you the small things that make such a huge difference yet seem so small.
The reason these things seem so small to so many is because they really are. It does not take much to have true accessibility and inclusion. A bump dot on a key card, a description of where your drink is at the table, braille on the signs, and directions like 10 paces to the left and down the hall. These are all things that make my life so much easier and also make it that I am able to have the same experience of others.
Being blind is something that so many people will say ” I would rather die”, ” I don’t know how you do it, I could never do that”. But why is that. Why is blindness such a feared disability. Whenever I hear someone say those things to me I think; if only they could see the possibilities.
There is not much in life that I cannot do. I mean I can’t legally drive a car or fly a plane, and you probably don’t want me to be your surgeon, although I could be a good find the bullet helper because I can do it by feel. But to be honest, even if I wasn’t blind I have no desire to fly a plane or be a surgeon. Drive, well I grew up in rural Saskatchewan do you really think that I have never driven? The truth is being blind has helped me to find my passion in life, and to live an amazing life.
When I was younger and was just visually impaired or legally blind, I had such a hard time fitting in. I didn’t fit into the “blind” world (or so I thought) and I didn’t fit into the sighted world. But I wanted so badly to fit into the sighted world. I spent so many days just wishing that things were different, going to extreme lengths to prove that I could see (notice how I am not an actor; it is for good reason). Because I thought, that was the only way that I was going to be able to be happy and to live an amazing life.
And then it all started to disappear. The world as I saw it was gone. At this time, I thought this is not supposed to happen. But it was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I never thought, I would rather die, then be blind at that point. It was as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. There was no more faking it, I didn’t have to explain to people that I couldn’t see really well and no it wasn’t like when you take off your glasses. I didn’t have to come up with some reason why I tripped over things or bumped into the person I was walking with constantly, or order whatever the person I was with ordered. I could truly live life. It was a simple explanation, I am blind. And it felt so freeing to finally just be able to say to people “could you tell me what you have on the menu for chicken, I am blind”.
Sure people treat me like I am 5 sometimes and there are many things that are frustrating but my life does not suck. I experience the world in a different way than a sighted person for sure. But I am able to do the things that I love, I am able to laugh, cry, have successes and failures just like everyone else.
Through this journey I have been able to help and educate so many people. It has been a whirlwind and I never thought I would be where I am today. There isn’t a greater feeling then when someone reaches out and says “thank you, you have helped me to see that my disability is not going to hold me back anymore”. If I only help one person to see that they can live the life that they want, disability or not, then it will all be worth it.
As women…. well as people really, we tell ourselves so many stories about what people think of us, what is that guy looking at me for, what do people say when I leave. The dialogue that goes on in our minds is crazy.
I know for me that is so true. I will be the first one to stand up and say I don’t give two craps about what people think about me. But reality is, I think I do. I always wonder what people are thinking when they see me walking down the street, or speaking at an event. I am always worried about being pasted as the weird blind girl. I try hard to keep up with the trends and things. And as annoying as it is when someone comes to me and says “you don’t look blind” in my mind I am giving my self the biggest high five.
I recently went to an event (more on that to come!) and it was around networking. Let me preface this by, I really don’t like networking. It is exhausting, I suck at small talk, I worry about what they will think when they walk away, I am worried I will leave someone hanging when they go to shake my hand, or that it will look like I am looking at their boobs or over their shoulder. I have to work very hard at looking at where the sound of their voice is coming from, there is just so much to that goes on because I am blind, but also because I am a little conscious.
But at this event with a room full of women of all ages and backgrounds, I heard them all saying the same things. Which has gotten my wheels turning. We all feel uncomfortable in some way shape or form. And to be honest, I am sure the person I am talking to at these networking things is feeling the same way that I am. Relief washed over me like no ones business.
One of the reasons that I love to write and blog is because I can be me, the unabridged, honest version of me. Why because I can’t see your judgement and I get to filter the comments. I sit at home in my safe space and I can write what I am truly feeling and if you don’t like it you can click away.
I really try to treat life in the same way, but my brain gets in the way a lot of times. When I really sit and think about it though, there is no reason for it. Not everyone will like me, or what I am wearing, what I am doing, who I am, what I stand for. And that is ok, I am me. I am who I am, and I want to live life to the fullest and stop worrying about what people are thinking or if they will like me.
It can be hard to find new friends and groups to be a part of, but do I want to conform to their standards to be a part of their group, or be invited to coffee, ummmm nope!
I am a strong, passionate, opinionated, outgoing, woman. I want to surround myself with amazing women who have the same goals, passions, and outlooks on life that I do. Networking can be a way for me to shine, and show people who I am without shame. Allowing those who will end up to be in my circle the chance to see what I am about.
When we support one another and build each other up amazing things can happen…..