Bad News

I have never gone to the eye doctor and had a good visit, or had them tell you all is well see you in 2 years. Man that would be nice. But reality is that every time I go to the eye doctor they tell me what I already know or give me bad news. Yesterday was no different, I went they did the regular tests, pictures, pressure, measurements that sort of thing. Then in I go to see the eye doctor and they put the big E up at the end of the room, “can you make out what is up there ” part of me wants to blurt out E, I know it is a E for god sake. But I try as hard as I can to make out that lovely E and nothing. Then she hands me a card hold this as close as you need to and tell me what you can make out. So I squint and hold the card so close I know I look ridiculous and nothing. She takes the card and sets up the machine to look at my eyes and check if there is a prescription that could work and nothing. Surprise ! NOT.
Why they feel the need to tell me that things are progressing and getting worse, like I didn’t know is beyond me. I know my eyes are getting worse without you telling me this. In case you didn’t realize I open them every day to see not a heck of a lot.
Trying to explain to family and people around me what I see and don’t see is hard. I have never in my life had good eye sight, I have been legally blind since birth, so I have no idea what you see, so for all I know I am missing nothing at all ! And truth be told I like it that way, it keeps me sane. This is my world as I know it and I can not change it so why not just live it the way it was meant to be lived.
My family and I went camping on the weekend and my kids and husband were watching a squirrel in the tree, my kids were saying look mom look mom and I started to laugh and my husband asked what is so funny. I began to tell him that I have never in my life been able to see a squirrel in a tree or a bird in a tree for that matter, he asked well why when I used to say look at that squirrel did you say oh cool. So I started to tell him how it was just easier, it sucked saying umm I can’t see that when someone pointed something out so I just went along with it. It didn’t matter to me if I could see it and it didn’t seem all that important to point out the fact I had no idea what they were talking about. He looked at me like I had two heads but I think he is starting to understand how I feel and why. I used to pretend like I could see things that he could and never really made a note of what I couldn’t see. Now that my sight is to the point where there is no hiding the cane or how I feel around for things I hate the pity, the stares, and the condolences I get.
I don’t want pity, or condolences I am still here enjoying life and living it to its fullest. I may do it in my own way and I may be experiencing it differently than you but I am still experiencing it. To see your world does not define weather you are living it or not. To see your world is only one way to experience it.

One thought on “Bad News

  1. Rock on girl! I can't say I know exactly how you feel, but I know what having to live in a world that others don't understand. Your an inspiration and the world is waiting to hear your story. Cheers girlie.


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