Birthday Party !

Today is my best friends daughters first birthday. I attended the party and had a good time, but these things do not come with lots of anxiety for me. When there is a lot of people around it is hard to know if I am in peoples way or where an open chair is. Even for simple things like when there is food out to know what there is and where it is, these are all so awkward for me, I end up not eating at events like this because it is just easier. I miss going to functions and not having to worry about the food part, the other things like finding a open chair and having a difficult time with crowds is not new. I am very grateful for my friend Janelle she jumps right in and helps and knows I hate to ask, she will make me coffee (perfectly I might add), close her blinds so I am not having to wear sunglasses in the house, and she even made me a plate of food no questions asked. I can not express how much she means to me. There are not many people that will do that for a friend. We would all like to think all our friends would but when push comes to shove you really find out who your real friends are.
I need to work on my anxiety and work on asking for help. I do not like to ask for help, lots of this is not wanting to accept that I need help sometimes. I am defiantly working on being my own advocate. I joined toastmasters in September and this has helped me overcome some of my shyness and in turn is helping with the anxiety.
Anxiety or worrying is so much a part of my life that I don’t know a life without it and would love to have a life without it. I don’t like to complain about my disability or throw pity parties for myself, having said that there are so many days I want to wake up and be able to see whatever I look at clear as day, I feel like it would be easier and less time consuming.
I think that sighted people take for granted a lot of the small things. There are many things that I do during my day that would be much easier with sight. For example showering when someone decided to move the shampoo or conditioner from there original spot. Who said shampoo has to go first right ha ha ! Then doing your hair styling with your hands and no mirror, try it sometime. I like to do my make up and look pretty like everyone else, I used to be able to use the mirror and just be close enough to lick it, but now I see a blurry mess in the mirror so make up has been interesting. I have gotten pretty good at doing it with no mirror, you might ask how do you know? ha ha good question and the answer is thank god for friends that will tell you the truth when you send them a pic. Making kids lunches and keeping each one right because god forbid they would all like and eat the same things. Coffee I love coffee but it has become a regular occurrence spilling it or missing the cup with the sugar or cream. Cooking has become interesting some nights, figuring out when things are cooked or not cooked is sometimes like Russian roulette. And don’t even get me started on the grocery store and trying to find what you need there! And even simpler walking, being able to walk and not think and pay so close attention to where you are and where you are going. Counting corners making sure you haven’t missed a corner, making sure someone is not parked on the street and I am going to walk into there car, ( that is plain embarrassing and happens regularly), people take sidewalks for granted they would be a godsend in our town. Going to see my daughter at her musical, they sounded great but not being able to see what is going on or where she is, can be heart breaking but I am just thankful I could be there to support her and hear her.
I don’t want to throw a pity party but one can not help but think boy would that be nice, in a man it would be nice to win the lottery kind of way.
But every day I am beyond thankful for my friends and family and those that have been there for me, and really make a difference in my life and keep me positive every day.  And do things that make me smile, like my husband painting my nails. You are all Awesome ! Love you all !

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