Terrified !

I feel like the last few posts that I have done have been always about my upcoming trip to Portland Oregon for my Guide Dog. And there is a good reason for this and that is because I feel like a child starting a new school for the first day. I am terrified ! I know in my heart I will be fine but my brain is not cooperating and I have been losing a lot of sleep over this and really just cannot think of anything else. There is so much anxiety about all sorts of different things. The trip there and the obstacles there, being away from my family for 2 weeks, transitioning to a dog and not having the tactile feed back from my cane to let me know where I am and which house is mine on the street. This probably makes no sense to someone who is sighted but when I walk down my block I use my cane to tell me where I am by taping on my right side against the grass and when my cane comes across the first paved driveway I know that that is my house. When I transition to a dog I wont have that so I need to rely on time distance estimation and I am not very good at that. And there is the anxiety of just being in a new place and not to mention the worries that come with a mother leaving her kids for two weeks  and not being there for the first day of school and feeling like I need to have everything done for my husband so that they can hopefully not have a horrible two weeks while I am away. And feeling guilty for leaving my family for 2 weeks as well. There is a huge amount of guilt and that is hard.

One of the things that is keeping me going through this process is my dad. I know he would be proud of me for concurring this fear. He was always cheering me on and saying I could do anything. I defiantly really miss him and wish he was here so he could give me his no nonsense advice to just do it. But I have to remember that even though he is not here in the physical world he is always there for me in heaven and cheering me on.

My trip will begin in 9 days so my next post will be from Portland Oregon after I receive my dog on September 1st ! I will let you know how the process  is going and if I made it to Portland. I had a dream the other day where I ended up in Mexico so hopefully that does not happen ! lol !

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