You are so lucky !!

Hello Everyone,

Today I want to talk about a misperception of people who are blind or partially sighted and dating or being married or in a relationship of any kind.

There is this misperception that people with disabilities are not bringing anything to the relationship and that the person who is in a relationship with them is doing them a huge favour by being in a relationship with that person. This is insane ! People with disabilities can bring just as much to a relationship as someone without a disability.

My husband and I have been together for 13 years and married for 11. When we started dating he knew that I had a vision impairment, that never was a factor in our relationship though because I have a personality. I am not just a blind person that is not all I have to offer. We did not start dating because he felt bad for me.

When I lost the remainder of my vision 3 years ago I have had many people say to me and my husband, “you are so amazing for sticking around”. That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. I have also had people say “you are so lucky your husband stuck around”. Why is it people think that we could not have any sort of “normal” relationship because I have a disability. The comments like “oh, you are married, I never would have guessed” are sickening.

Ignorance fuels these types of comments and misperceptions, if they had taken the time to get to know me or anyone with a disability they would see that I have just as much to offer a relationship and the world as the next person.

I have asked my husband if he feels like I am a burden to him and like he wishes I wasn’t blind. His response is always “no, your blindness does not define our relationship and you are just as capable as anyone else. You are stubborn and drive me nuts sometimes but that is not because you are blind that is because you are Ashley.”

So the next time you think someone is lucky to have a partner just because they have a disability, try looking beyond the disability and to the fact that they are a person who has so much to offer.

Thanks for reading !
Until Next Time !
Ashley and Rick

5 thoughts on “You are so lucky !!

  1. Ashley, you said that eloquently. We were in line at a fast food restaurant (I take my wife to fancy places like McD’s) when the lady behind us says to my wife, “It is so nice that you take him out to eat.” Ableism at its finest.

    I know of no one who believes their disabled spouse does not bring an equal amount to the table. I’m reminded of a pseudo-celebrity who became famous because her intended kept his promise. It is sad that this misconception occurs. Thank you for addressing it so well.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t know: I see so many people living through even worse than I have ever experienced. To some extent, I am lucky, and I am thankful for what I have more now because of my perspective. My partner does not stay with me because I’m blind… I’ve tried to make that clear to him I wouldn’t like that… I just think I’m lucky. Able ism is in a lot of things though: Great blog, though.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I stumbled across this by accident like I’ve stumbled across a few blogs by accident. blindness is not a tragedy nor should it ever be considered a tragedy. in the scheme of disabilities it’s only minor in the sheme of things it’s not about being lucky it’s about managing if we are in relationships we are people and don’t look at the disability we may have a disability or we may have issues but we are human yes ableism does exist but we just have to learn to prove the detractors wrong but we sometimes have to be nice about it when we’re actually allowed to do so if I mention ableism I’m told I won’t be allowed to go out again and that’s when I am with my parents. A visiting teacher from what was the RVIB or royal Victorian institute for the blind now vision Australia told my parents at the age of 4 that once I’m old enough to date somebody that my parents will have to tag along just to show me where to put my hands now I don’t think that your parents would have ever tagged along to show you where to put your hands when you were getting to know your husband I’m sure of this! if I’m going to date someone I don’t want people tagging along to the date just to monitor my own behaviour I’m sorry I got personal there for a second but the thought of such things is the main reason I tend to keep to myself and am reluctant to even think about relationships and when fear of rejection is the monkey on your back you just don’t want to go down that road as when you used to be an angry person in life and you don’t want to undo all that hard work to change your ways it’s frustrating. as my mother says don’t necessarily think of having a girlfriend just have friends who are girls. back to the subject of being lucky or not, people often say if I asked them about whether they have sibblings and if I say I have no sibblings people say I’m lucky but having sibblings may be nice for a bit of company but some people hate their sibblings as they are annoying as they would say.

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